10 years my junior and now a "functioning" alcohlic, with a beautiful 1 year old baby girl. She has been a thorn in my side for many years, probably since before Dad died, 15 years ago.
Since then she has caused my poor mother into selling virtually all assets that she owned, by bullying and bemoaning her fate as a "poor me"..
Xmas day (3 days ago) we skyped Mum and Toxic Sister at Mum's house. A nice call with baby entertaining us with her antics. All seemed OK. Then a few hours later, TS calls me in a bad mood (probably the 14th can of beer has flipped her switch). She needs to speak with me NOW. I say that I am about to take my turn on the Wii, in a game where the rest of the family would be kept waiting if I don't take my 30 seconds of failure..I will call you back as soon as I have taken my turn, I explain to TS. Of course, she sees red..NO, speak to me NOW, she demands..I decline..she tells me to F off..and I hang up.
This is not an unusual event. The bullying phone calls, the belligerent drunken rantings, the accusations that I don't care, that Mum is upset about me (and my brother) as clearly we just don't do enough. Why did we not invite Mum for Xmas? Why are we having a good time without her? (exactly..we would NOT have a good time with TS) SHE has had to cook xmas dinner for Mum (that is a first) and do the shopping..and she has a baby..blah, blah, blah..
The Xmas day "greetings" continued in the form of several texts that were mostly unintelligible, but all unpleasant.
In fact, I had invited Mum, but knew that she would not particularly wish to spend more than a night here. We have stairs and she has just had a hip-replacement. She does not enjoy OH's company, she would have found fault with my brother and his wife, she would have missed her own space ..I knew it would have been a strain for all concerned. Mum had said No to the invite..but, TS called me about a week ago to announce that Mum would like to come..It was as clear as day to me that TS had decided that she really did not want to have Mother on her patch and hence, her responsibility, over xmas. I decided that I would say NO..it took much soul-searching on my part, and several tears. But, for my own sanity I knew that I had to say NO to Mum and she agreed.
So, here I am, once again thinking that I would so love to DIVORCE my sister..but finding impossible to have nothing to do with her whilst Mum is still alive and so much under her thumb. It seems possible that TS has caused Mum to be in so much debt that she will have to arrange an equity release on her home. She told me this last week and I have asked if I can go with her to see her financial advisor on 4th January.
I discussed this with my brother yesterday. He says that whatever he does or says is now viewed with so much suspicion by Mum, poisoned against him by TS, that he will not get involved. He knows this means that our dear little family cottage in Ireland will probably be sold..and all the hard work (and money) that he has put into it since Dad passed away, will be lost.
Dad always said that he wanted the cottage to be left to the three of us (Me, my Bro and TS) so that we could continue to enjoy it and pass it on to our kids. We had all our family holidays there as children and loved/love it dearly. TS more than most. It is an utter tragedy that Dad's legacy has been reduced to nothing and will be frittered away by an alcoholic bully. Three flats have been sold and the money spent, the large family home has been sold..and most of that money spent, excpet for the roof over Mum's head. Now that will be sold.
I am angry..but not because of the money so much as the pain and sadness that TS has brought to our family. Mum used to idolise my brother, now she is virtually estranged from him, due to TS and her nasty back-stabbing. I hope that I can still stay on good terms with my Mum. I am in tears as I think of how close we were when Dad was alive and how she has now been twisted by my sister's jealousy.
What will happen to my Mum if she has to go into a home and there is no money to find her a good one?
Mum is in complete denial about TS's alcoholism. In denial about her bullying phone calls and abusive texts..She defends her youngest child and feels guilty that she did not have another child to keep her company.
I am a fool to hope that things will change and am full of anxiety about the future.
